Orvish: Helpful Phrases

Orvish can sound deceptively similar to English at times. DO NOT BE FOOLED, Orvish is a separate and distinct dialect. Any attempts to communicate in English may be met with hostility.
To avoid what could be an unnecesarily messy situation, we would advise you to familiarize yourself with a few local words and phrases:

Hi: Standard greeting, day or night. Can't go wrong with this one...usually.

What the heck?: Exclamation of bewilderment, appropriate for any confusing/offensive situation.
Ex.: "What the heck is up with this intersection, the lanes move five feet to the left/right on the other side!"

Ward: It's very polite to ask an Orvite what "Ward" they belong to. This can (and should) be asked anytime, anywhere, and to anyone. Ask your cashier at the supermarket, or that modestly hot girl at the yogurt shop. You'll be answered with a smile and a term (usually one word, followed by a number) that you'll forget the next second. Remembering isn't necessary unless you are wanting/willing to attend church with said cashier/modestly hot girl.

Cougar: BEWARE. This is where common English vernacular and Orvish clash dangerously. As a caution, only use this term in Eastern Orvo, and be aware that its implications are FAR different from those in the O.W.*

Zoobie: synonymous with "Cougar", but...cuter. Like...LOLcats cute.
Ex.: I iz Zoobie? PAINT TEH "Y"!!!!

BoM, WoW, FHE, CES, Institute, Seminary: You will hear these thrown into conversations here and there. Don't worry about it, just smile and nod.

Hyper: The relative rarity of controlled substances in the area has led to some interesting interpretations of Influenced behavior by some Orvish youth. It is common to hear such a youth express, after consuming a caffeinated beverage, that they are "hyper" and therefore have lowered inhibitions/superhuman speed and stamina/hallucinations.

Stoned: The opposite of "Hyper" (see above), an Orvite may claim they are "stoned" after consuming a "downer" (usually in the form of cough medicine). "Stoned" Orvites will usually affect intoxication, often with a substantial amount of theatrics. This makes for cheap entertainment, and "stoned" Orvish adolescents have become quite a tourist draw over the last decade. Best viewed on State Street on Fridays and Saturdays, between the hours of 9 and 11 pm.

*Outside World. To avoid confusion, The Guide will use this term to refer to any location outside of Happy Valley (HV). YGINIH. G,TWCTJGO DYTTGIAWES, OAWJGF?

Got an Orvish phrase to submit? Go on, we believe in you!

Native speakers only, please.

All you'll ever need to know about Orvo.

Yeah, not really. If that was true, this guide would be for naught.
Okay. Welcome to Orvo. This is where you are:


It's in Utah. In the USA. Google Map it.
Except...don't. Google will take you to some place in Belgium. That's not Orvo.


<--THAT is Orvo. The uninformed refer to it as either "Provo" or "Orem". Wrong. Fail. Bad. The Orvites are an ancient and proud race. Inhabiting the region between the harsh Upper Utah and the savage Lower Utah, these people are unlike any other. A strange and intriguing culture has evolved here, complete with its own unique diet and vernacular. A stranger to these lands may be surprised/confused/terrified by these aspects of Orvish culture. Be not afraid, newcomer! We are here to guide you through the wilderness of Orvo and its many peculiarities. With the machete of local wisdom, we shall hack our way through the thickets of ignorance! With our dual pistols of understanding, we shall gun down the cheap thug of culture shock! And so, our journey begins.